After the woman “snapped” at her daughter-in-law for repeatedly calling her “mom,” she took to Reddit’s AITA forum to explain the heartbreaking reason why it affected her and ask whether she should apologize.
A woman is seeking advice from the internet after a blow-up with her daughter-in-law, whose behavior has continued to trigger a traumatic memory.
In the story, which has since been deleted from Reddit’s anonymous AITA (“Am I the A–hole”) forum, the OP (a.k.a. the “original poster”) recalled how she “snapped” at her son’s wife after she repeatedly called her “mom” — even though OP asked her not to multiple times.
The OP said she was asked to apologize to her son’s wife over her outburst, prompting the woman to take to AITA forum to get other people’s “opinions” on the situation — after sharing the heartbreaking reason why she didn’t want to be referred to as “mom” in the first place.
Read on to see how it all went down — and how Redditors reacted to the story.
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Original Post in The AITA Reddit Forum
OP began her post by sharing the reason why she doesn’t like to be called “mom” by other women.
“When I was much younger I had a baby girl, she was the only girl between her siblings,” the woman wrote. “She passed when she was 7. Every since no women/girl has called me mom.”
“My new DIL, Alex called me mom one day and I hated it. It brought back a lot of memories and It was unpleasant. I explained that I don’t want to be called that and that she can call my by my name or nickname. She said it was something from her culture and the conversation died off,” she added.
Despite the woman telling her daughter-in-law to stop calling her mom, OP said, “she will not stop.”
“I have talked to her and explain why I don’t like it. She hasn’t stopped,” she said.
“Today it was a family event and it was a long day. She called me mom and I snapped. I told her I am not her damn mother to stop calling me that. The whole event was quiet after,” she continued.
“I got a call calling me a jerk and that I need to apologize. I don’t feel like I need to but I want other peoples opinions,” OP added.
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How Redditors Reacted
Many Redditors promoted OP for more information and specific details, which OP provided.
A user said that OP’s son “should be handling this,” and suggested that her son “get their spouse to stop,” the woman said she already did. “Already done that, he is firmly on her side and thinks I should let her call me that,” she wrote.
In multiple replies, the woman stressed that she clearly “explained” to her daughter-in-law why she doesn’t want to be called “mom.”
“NTA but I wonder if she knows why you don’t want to be called that? That it’s deeply personal and opening up an old wound? I would ask your son to explain it to her in detail. I wouldn’t be surprised if she apologized profusely. However if she does know everything and still does it then yikes, why?? It’s not a habit to call a woman who didn’t raise you your mother, it’s something she makes a conscious choice to do,” a Redditor asked, to which OP replied, “It’s in the post, I already explain it to her.”
“Need more info: How much did you explain to her? Did you tell her about your daughter?” another person asked. The woman again noted that “it was all explained.”
OP also shared that she has no issue being referred to as a “grandmother,” writing, “Gramma isn’t mom,” but noted that she already has a granddaughter who calls her grandma.
Funny enough, I really liked her before this whole thing, now not so much. It’s not hate but it is slowly getting there.”
“You need to decide if your boundaries are worth more than this (I think they are). You’re routinely having your boundaries stomped on my your DIL and your partner. Maybe try and find something cute that only the DIL can call you ‘meemaw’ or ‘aunty’ or something like that so she doesn’t feel like you hate her specifically?” a Redditor suggested, to which the woman revealed how she feels about her DIL now.
“Funny enough, I really liked her before this whole thing, now not so much. It’s not hate but it is slowly getting there,” she said.
As for more background on Alex, OP said her daughter-in-law is 29 — noting “that’s a hardly a kid” — and also responded to another Redditor who asked for more information regarding her DIL’s “culture,” to which OP said she’s from the Southern US, “not Southern America the continent.”
Ultimately, most Redditors seemingly unanimously agreed that the OP was “NTA” (not the a–hole.)
NTA. She is. She is disrespecting you and owes YOU an apology. Tell her if she addresses you as mom, you will be addressing her as idiot girl.
“You are absolutely NTA,” a user wrote, saying it’s “hugely disrespectful and inappropriate” for anyone to refer to another person by a name they don’t feel comfortable with.
Another added, “Your son and DIL are being a–holes. She’s rude AF and needs to respect your culture and stop imposing her customs on you. I agree with other posters saying you should start getting mean about it.”
“NTA. She is. She is disrespecting you and owes YOU an apology,” another Redditer chimed in. “Tell her if she addresses you as mom, you will be addressing her as idiot girl.”
Meanwhile, after a user suggested that OP just “start ignoring her anytime” she calls her mom, and “pretend” she isn’t talking to her until she refers to her by name,” OP replied, “I’m just not going to invite her to stuff.”
What do you think?
