Former Australian women’s cricket captain Meg Lanning has candidly revealed the personal struggle that ultimately led to her retirement from the game at age 32.
Lanning, who holds the record for the most Women’s ODI centuries and played in seven winning World Cup campaigns, withdrew from the Ashes tour of England in 2023 for unexplained medical reasons just before the team left the country.
She first stepped away from the game following the team’s gold medal in the 2022 Commonwealth Games in Birmingham but then returned for the side’s World Cup victory in South Africa, before ultimately leaving before the Ashes, and calling time on her career.
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Speaking to The Howie Games podcast, the decorated batter said stress fuelled her “obsession” with exercise, running up to 90km a week, without properly replenishing her body.
Lanning, declined to call her condition an eating disorder but said she was “in denial” over her problematic and “unhealthy relationship with food and exercise.”
While she lived with the personal struggle and continued to perform at a high level, nobody around her, including her teammates or family, were fully aware of the inner war she was fighting.
“I was over exercising and under fuelling. I got to the point where I was doing about 85-90km a week. I was in denial. It became a bit of ‘I am going to show you’ sort of thing,” she said.
“It sort of just spiralled. I was not in a place to be able to go on tour and play cricket and give the commitment levels required for that Ashes series mentally and physically.
“I am naturally fine spending time with myself but there were very few people who I would want to engage with. I would get really snappy – real moody – if anyone asked anything.
“I got down to 57kg from 64kg. It wasn’t ridiculous [but it was] significant. The ratios were out of whack. I did not realise [it affected] my ability to concentrate. I didn’t really want to see other people. I disengaged a lot from friends and family.
She continued: ”It [running] became a bit of an obsession. I could escape mentally. I would throw the headphones in but would not take my phone with me. I would have my Apple watch with me and listen to music. Nobody could contact me.”
Asked whether she had an eating disorder, Lanning replied: “It was not labelled that but I was exercising a lot but not eating enough to fuel that – I was a bit out of whack. I felt very out of control in terms of what my future looked like. If it’s not cricket what does life look like if I am not playing?
“How could I not want to travel the world and play cricket? That doesn’t make any sense.”
Asked whether her teammates could sense she was not in a good place, she said: “I think they knew something was up. I couldn’t see anything in my appearance but (others) could see it. And everything that comes with it.
“You become grumpy. Not talking to many people. Not being able to concentrate. Not sleeping. Your head just goes round and round and it’s not a nice place to be.
“I dreaded night-time because I knew I would go to bed and not be able to sleep. That would make me so mad. I would just get more angry with myself. If you can’t sleep you can’t do anything.”
Lanning said her health had improved since, although she still has “ongoing questions” in her head.
“I’ve learnt that regardless of who you are there is always something happening. I guess I have realised how much telling to people and letting them know can actually help even if they don’t have an answer.”
