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Monday, February 26, 2024

Madame Web Reviews are Hilariously AWFUL

Madame Web is the latest movie from Marvel Studios to be released in theaters across the country.

It stars Dakota Johnson, Sydney Sweeney and Adam Scott, among others.

This strong cast leads a film that is summarized as follows by IMDB:

Cassandra Webb develops the power to see the future. Forced to confront revelations about her past, she forges a relationship with three young women bound for powerful destinies, if they can all survive a deadly present.

Madame Web poster in 2024Madame Web poster in 2024
Madame Web is a movie that has earned some AWFUL reviews. (Sony Pictures)

Sounds promising, right?

The movie is based on a popular comic book, too, and yet… initial reviews for Madame Web are bad.

Horrible. Terrible.

We’re talking SO incredibly abysmal that we sort of want to go see Madame Web now just to bask in its apparently historical awfulness.

Dakota Johnson attends the world premiere of Madame Web at Regency Village Theatre on February 12, 2024 in Los Angeles. (Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images)

Just consider what the following critics are saying about this movie…

Madame Web isn’t as bad as you’ve heard. It’s so much worse. — Rolling Stone

On the basis of Madame Web, Sony’s Spider-Man Universe is now completely lifeless—and in no need of resuscitation. — The Daily Beast

Madame Web is one of these recently exhumed efforts. The filmhas as much energy as an employee subjected to an ice breaker during a corporate retreat. It is an airless and stilted endeavor driven by a mechanical screenplay. Its lack of imagination would be astounding if it wasn’t so expected. — The Hollywood Reporter

Madame Web castMadame Web cast
Four main cast members in Madame Web pose here at the global opening. (GETTY)

Nobody in this movie pops, or crackles, or snaps, or finds ways to energize the blah blah. The action’s not much; the acting’s minimalist bordering on somnambulant. — The Chicago Times

The struggle to find anything positive is a fruitless endeavor. Madame Web disappoints in every regard. — MovieWeb

Variety, for its part, writes that “Madame Web feels like a cross between an extended soda commercial and a teaser trailer for still more spinoffs.

“But you don’t have to be a soothsayer to see this particular franchise is D.O.A. — or a snob to expect better.”

Tahar Rahim and Dakota JohnsonTahar Rahim and Dakota Johnson
Tahar Rahim and Dakota Johnson attend the Madame Web photocall at Claridge’s Hotel on January 31, 2024 in London. (Photo by Jeff Spicer/Getty Images for Sony Pictures)

From what we can gather, Madame Web is expected to make $30 million to $35 million after its Wednesday release and therefore have the lowest-ever domestic opening for a Sony Spider-Man movie.

As of this writing, the film has a dismal 17% positive rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Yes, that’s out of 100.

We’ll go ahead and give the final negative words here to the website UPI, which wrote this week:

Madame Web is bad in ways even debacles like Catwoman and Batman & Robin never broached.

Those movies had laughably misguided explorations of cat and bat powers, but Madame Web struggles to even explain its premise.

[But] at least Catwoman and Batman & Robin believed in what they were doing.

They were wrong, but Madame Web just feels like a cynical copy of the bare minimum to qualify as a comic book movie

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