We are in full countdown for the start of the christmas celebrations and, if these types of meetings are not always as idyllic as the romcoms They want us to believe; When you are also in a relationship, it is a breeding ground for conflicts.
And no matter how fantastic our partner is, the stress of the holidays (with its corresponding workload), the distribution of holidays or spending time with people you don’t see regularly, are some of the reasons that can cause friction.
When I asked on my Instagram (which by the way, you can follow me here) what is the reason why you argue the most at this time with your partner, the answer was unanimous: Who we spent the holidays with.
Disagreement can occur for a multitude of reasons: preferences on one side or the other, distances…But the final decision should take into account that both people want to share time with their loved ones. And although the relationship is not as close, make the effort for the couple, it is something that is valued.
This, as long as the premise is that of a conventional relationship, that is, where there may be greater or lesser affinity, but without situations family members who are toxic and that only generate anguish and discomfort. Brief reminder that you can choose Spend these days with someone who makes us feel good.
Because no matter how much lottery or nougat advertisements insist on romanticizing family relationships, since they always represent peaceful meals, they are not usually missing in every home. the brother-in-law on duty making sexist jokes the grandmother who has fatphobia and he doesn’t take his eyes off you because you’ve gained a few kilos.
Knowing the panorama that awaits ahead, good prior management is to prepare with the couple beforehand, something that can be done by asking how to contribute to a smoother experience (change the subject, be physically there to provide support, etc.).
He trend of social networks “We listen, but we do not judge”couldn’t have come at a better time. It can help focus certain family opinions or, directly, listen to them and ignore them. we can’t control How are our relatives going to behave?nor the other person either.
Also, to the extent possible, it is advisable to avoid unfortunate comments or jokes that, even within the family, people have the confidence to make, but They can hurt the couple.
And, in case a disagreement arises over it (or whatever it is), avoid discussing it in front of the rest so that it does not escalate or tension is installed at the family reunion. Furthermore, those who do not have the support of their loved ones may feel even worse.
When it comes to the couple’s sphere, it is an enormous effort to move on from the topic and the pain that may have been felt, and wait until we are alone at home, with time and the peace of mind. talk about it at lengthexpressing themselves freely. But It is the most sensible and practical management.
Other Christmas conflicts
If the pressure for meetings were little, we must add the increase in mental load with planning the celebrations, which usually means extra shopping at the supermarket, preparation of dishes Christmas, home decoration, coordinating the celebration, cleaning If we have to receive guests this year…
A job that falls, at least in most cases, to the women of the family. So a great way to prevent possible arguments due to the anxiety or irritability that many women suffer at this time – the “is that we have to see how the relative gets on“-, is to be aware of the situation and change the attitude about it.
That is to say, collaborate, not helpwhich comes from Latin “I will collaborate“, being co“jointly, entirely”, and I will labor“to work” (help, on the other hand, has the meanings “to support, assist”).
I take this opportunity to remember that the distribution of this burden would also extend to the buying giftsbecause there are many homes where parents look at the Christmas packages with the same curiosity as their children, without knowing What did your wife buy you? that year.
And, speaking of gifts, when in doubt whether or not a detail is expectedand the amount of this, it is better to have a clear conversation beforehand and express what is expected or what you would like to receive. The “I should know by the dates” doesn’t work for me because the gift of divination is not something we can use as an argument.
It is more functional to have a talk about it so that our day is not ruined by the ‘surprise’ that there is nothing under the tree.
My last recommendation is that, for these dates, be patient, yes, but above all empathy. Try to see the relationship of two as that small family to love and care for, which is equivalent to look after the well-being of all its members.